So Char Siew Pao went to round up Leng Yong Pau and Tau Sar Pow.
Just then, Maggi Mee walked around the corner. Immediately, the Paos started to beat him up.
As Char Siew Pao was punching Maggi Mee, he shouted, "Don't think just because you perm your hair, we can't recognize you, ok!"
A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."
Tragedy
An old man and a young man worked in office next to each other. The young man had noticed that the older man always seemed to have a jar of peanuts on his desk. The young man loved peanuts.
One day while the older man was away from his desk the young man couldn't resist and went to the old man's jar and ate over half the peanuts.
When the old man returned the young man felt guilty and confessed to taking the peanuts.
The old man responded "That's ok since I lost my teeth all I can do is lick the chocolate off the M&Ms."
Revelation
It's been determined that it's a bad idea to give chocolate to a woman with PMS. It can worsen the condition.
However, it's an even WORSE idea to try to take AWAY chocolate from a woman with PMS.
The rules of chocolate
~ If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
~ Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries
- all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
~ The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the shop in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the car park.
~ Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
~ A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
~ If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.
~ But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
~ If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
~ Money talks. Chocolate sings.
~ Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
~ If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top tights. An entire garment industry would be devastated.
~ Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Food quotes and quips
Food quotes, quips, and thoughts . . .
"Artichokes ... are just plain annoying ... After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual 'food' out of eating an artichoke as you would rom licking thirty or forty postage stamps. Have the shrimp cocktail instead." -- Miss Piggy
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found." --Sam Levinson
"This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn't say how far to separate them." -- Gracie Allen
"I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet." -- Erma Bombeck
"I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster." -- Joe E. Lewis
"I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead." -- Woody Allen
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." -- Fran Lebowitz
"Health food makes me sick." -- Calvin Trillin
"Watermelon -- it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face." -- Enrico Caruso
"Old people shouldn't eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get." -- Robert Orben
No comments:
Post a Comment